It's a Global Closet Thing...

Trapped In The Closet is brill-tarded.


The lovely burlesque performer Gigi LaFemme coined the term "brill-tarded" last year at a Brooklyn Wasabassco show. For the slow ones here, brill-tarded is something that is simultaneously brilliant and retarded. And of course, I'm not referring to mental retardation when I say "retarded." I'm referring instead to its common usage on America's playgrounds, as something devoid of merit or status, something backwards. Trapped In The Closet is a text-book example of brill-tarded. It is nearly artistically void, relying on a growing number of stereotypes and cliches with each passing chapter. And yet, it is ... well, brilliant.

I'm not going to give a plot synopsis here. It would ruin the fun of watching this for yourself. Besides, if you NEED to know what's in store for you, read imdb's list of plot keywords for Trapped In The Closet. Trust me, the story doesn't get much deeper than that list.

Most chapters build up to a "cliffhanger", milking the melodrama for all it's worth. But it's not the story arc that deserves attention, rather the way the story is presented. R Kelly sings all the dialogue and blocking, while different actors lip-sync and go through the motions. This would be a good time to mention that R Kelly plays several of the characters himself.

I know, it sounds like a train wreck. Just bear with me.

As I watched this for the first time, I must admit I was laughing at the absurdity of the whole thing. But slowly I warmed to it. I actually was impressed with how he gave the different characters a distinct voice. Sometimes, as is the case with the fat, Southern white girl Bridgette, he goes deep into parody. But I was already along for the ride by then. As dumb as this may sound, there is a certain earnestness to it that pulled me in. If you listen to the commentary on chapters 1-12, you realize he is very serious.

This might be a good point to address the commentary track. Unlike traditional versions, you actually see Kells viewing the movie, a la Mystery Science Theater 3000. He spends as much time talking as he does smoking a cigar, and it takes him a while to warm up, but MAN! It is worth the wait. So post-modern!

So, in short, this is the most campy fun I've had since watching the Adam West Batman as a kid. You owe it to yourself to check it out.